Lame, Inconsiderate Neighbor Employs Early Morning Contraption From Hell


It’s an idyllic Sunday morning in this sleepy little Mequon neighborhood. And despite the fact it is the second Sunday in November, the unseasonably warm temperatures and sunny skies put a spring in everyone’s step as they stretch, get their first cup of coffee, and maybe even relax on the patio with a paper and a danish. Such a beautiful day. Such a rare treat.
But shortly after the sun rises, well before eight bells, the deafening noise of multiple malfunctioning engines approaches from the east. Is it an Eastern European prototype of a military hovercraft flying in from the lake? Is someone grinding through layers of rock to mine the Mequon shoreline for precious metals?
No, it’s just one special neighbor deciding to make the most of this amazing early morning to sneak in one more mowing of the lawn before winter. Because mowing on October 30 wasn’t quite enough, he hires the loudest, multi-engine, muffler-deficient riding-mower monstrosity to grind off the top quarter-inch of each blade of grass. Any concern for neighbors who are relaxing, reading, enjoying the weather, maybe sleeping in? Oh, no.
Of course, for this special neighbor’s own delicate constitution, he could not be subjected to the ungodly, ear-piercing maelstrom he created. He decides to generously take the family out for an early morning brunch – at grandma’s house.
TMN presents this remarkable fellow with the first annual Suburban Simp Award for admirably (and loudly) displaying ignorance and selfishness, and inflicting uncalled-for aggravation and irritation on the community.