Ozaukee County May Get New “Waterboard Park”


While surrounding counties are opening swimming pools and water parks to keep kids cool and out of trouble this summer, the conservative Ozaukee County Board has proposed launching “OzCo Waterboard Park.” While it may sound like fun, refreshing public recreation, it’s actually the latest attempt by the Board to enlist “enhanced interrogation techniques” to stem the slightly rising crime rate in the area.

“There are a lot of trouble-making punks that stir things up when the weather gets warm,” declared Hans Prielig, Supervisor from the Town of Cedarburg. “And if you want to get them to rat on their friends, you can’t coddle them in a comfy jail cell!”

This is the sixth time in four months the Board has addressed the issue of county-endorsed torture, but with this unique, new “park” concept, many members believe they’ll face less resistance from the “crime-loving wussbags” that defeated previous attempts.

“This wouldn’t just be a dark room in the basement of the County Jail,” said Sonny Brueger, a libertarian from Saukville. “The OzCo Waterboard Park would be a beautiful outdoor facility with big tents, like they use in the circus! We might even have some snappy sleep deprivation rooms!”

Dates for public debate of the proposal and a full vote have not been announced. When asked about when such a debate might take place, Prielig replied, “None of your danged business, Wussbag!”