Ozaukee Declares February 14 “Keep It in Your Pants” Day


While the rest of the country may be celebrating Valentine’s Day, people in Oz County should be celebrating abstinence. That’s what the Ozaukee County Board believes and towards that end, they have created a new countywide holiday to compete with the one for lovers.
“’Keep It in Your Pants’ Day shines a light on the epidemics of teenage pregnancy, STDs and, well, just the lurid, dirty, sinfulness of love and sex,” declared conservative board member Hans Prielig. “We think it’s wrong to glorify romantic love, especially to a generation who can’t keep their junk to themselves!’
The vote to approve was nearly unanimous. Only Sonny Brueger, a libertarian from Saukville, dissented. “I ain’t sayin’ I’m for everybody sexin’ it up,” said Sonny. “I just don’t want government crawlin’ all up in everybody’s pants.”
To promote the holiday, the 1st Annual Keep It in Your Pants Party is tentatively scheduled for February14th at Circle B Recreation in Cedarburg – boys will bowl on lanes 1 – 10, girls on lanes 16 – 25.



  1. i cant believe they actually tried this… it has to be the stupidest thing i heard… once again some “stay at home parents” have way to much time on their hands… hmmm and in all seriousness bowling? did they really have to separate the girls from the guys i mean its not like if they bowl on the same lane they might start to get it on while the other people are throwin their balls in the gutter.