Ozaukee County to Celebrate Another “Keep It in Your Pants” Day

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While the rest of the country may be celebrating Valentine’s Day, people in Ozaukee County should be celebrating abstinence. That’s what the Ozaukee County Board believes and that’s why last year, they created a countywide holiday they hoped would compete with the one for lovers.

“’Keep It in Your Pants’ Day shines a light on the epidemics of teenage pregnancy, STDs and, well, just the lurid, dirty, sinfulness of love and sex,” declared conservative board member Hans Prielig. “We think it’s wrong to glorify romantic love, especially to a generation who can’t keep their junk to themselves!’

Last year’s vote was nearly unanimous. Only Sonny Brueger, a libertarian from Saukville, dissented. “I ain’t sayin’ I’m for everybody sexin’ it up,” said Sonny. “I just don’t want government crawlin’ all up in everybody’s pants.”

To promote the holiday, Oz County’s “2nd Annual ‘Keep It in Your Pants’ Party for Teens” is scheduled for February14th at Circle B Recreation in Cedarburg. This year, officials are hoping for far less sexual contact between the youngsters, so boys will bowl on lanes 1 – 10, girls on lanes 21 – 30.
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