Everyone complains about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it – except for Mequon resident Warren Rauchoff, that is. Rauchoff is causing quite a stir in the his Thornapple Court neighborhood, loudly proclaiming that the reason our weather doesn’t seem right for June is because it isn’t. It isn’t June.
“The government keeps the time and the government keeps the calendar! And believe me, no matter what they say, this ain’t June!” says the 82-year-old retired battery salesman. “I ain’t sure why they’re lying, but I think it has something to do with our Muslim president from Kenya!”
In a 4-page, rambling petition he has been distributing throughout Mequon, Rauchoff claims that everything we’re told by our government and our media is “100% bull-puckey.” He cites several random examples, many of them rather disjointed, like global warming, WMDs, Area 51, space travel, Super Bowl XXXII, garlic mustard and “some Mequon Republican lady running in a Democrat’s clothing.”
“I don’t much care for politics and such, but when they start telling us this crap weather is June, something has to be done!” declares Rauchoff. “I know April when I see it. If I get enough signatures, I can get that Sensenbrenner and Ott in a room and start turning this scam around. And we better darn hurry, ’cause there’s a reverend what says the Rapture’s coming up in May.”