This year’s Halloween Trick-or-Treat action takes place in Mequon on Sunday, October 30, 2011, from 4:00pm to 7:00pm. In order to ensure treats are rewarded to only deserving, eligible Mequonites, the Mequon Board of Pedestrian Solicitation has set up guidelines for both city homeowners and pandering children.
1. Trick-or-Treaters are required to show a photo ID and/or proof of residence before receiving treats.
2. Trick-or-Treaters who have served time in a reform school or an urban public school are not eligible to receive treats in Mequon. If challenged, it is up to each Trick-or-Treater to prove he or she has not served hard time.
3. Wearing costumes that imply destitution (hobos, homeless, gypsies, etc.) is not considered appropriate costuming as it may be considered offensive in certain subdivisions and confusing to the local constabulary.
4. Corporations are allowed Halloween handouts from all residents because they should enjoy all the rights and treats that human individuals do under the Constitution.
5. Ditto for unborn fetuses.
6. Remember, this is Mequon! Those dispensing treats should try to outdo their neighbors with confections of excessive quantity and/or gourmet quality. Children should appear grateful and polite, but deep inside feel that that others can never do enough for them and that they deserve ever greater privilege.