Just a last minute reminder that Trick-or-Treat takes place in Mequon today, October 28, from 4:00pm to 7:00pm. In order to ensure treats are rewarded to only deserving, eligible Mequonites, remember that the Mequon Board of Pedestrian Solicitation has set up strict guidelines for both city homeowners and pandering children.
1. Due to alleged Trick-or-Treat fraud in the past, beggars are required to show a photo ID that proves Mequon residence before receiving treats.
2. Trick-or-Treaters who have served time in a reform school or City of Milwaukee public school are not eligible to receive treats in Mequon. If challenged, it is up to each Trick-or-Treater to prove he or she has not served hard time.
3. Wearing costumes that imply destitution (hobos, homeless, gypsies, etc.) is not considered appropriate costuming as it may be considered offensive in certain subdivisions and confusing to the local constabulary.
4. Corporations are allowed Halloween handouts from all residents because they should enjoy all the same rights as human individuals under the Constitution.
5. Ditto for fetuses.
6. Remember, this is Mequon! Those dispensing treats should try to outdo their neighbors with confections of excessive quantity and/or gourmet quality. Children should appear grateful and polite, but deep inside feel that others can never do enough and that they deserve ever greater privilege.